I spent my last days as a 24 year old making memories. Surrounded by amazing friends doing hoodrat stuff,  meeting new people, trying new foods and going new places. Then it happened. I turned 25. At a rooftop bar enjoying drinks, we twerked our way into the next morning making sure to watch the clock at 11:59 so that I could remember that moment forever.

Mid rump shake, grinning from ear to ear and awaiting the plethora of birthday calls and text I went from feeling like I had all the time in the world to thinking, Shit! I’m already 30. Since then I have constantly been reflecting on milestones and checkpoints and praying that I’m doing life right.

There are different milestones we experience like learning to walk, to read and pee in a public restroom while squatting. No matter how small the milestone may be we are always proud to have made it. Along the way of these milestones we set different checkpoints for ourselves. These are times we want to have accomplished those milestones in our lives. For example some people hope to graduate college at 22, obtain their Master’s by 24 and get married by 26. Travel to 6 new countries with their spouse and then start a family at 28.

Once we reach those specific points in our lives we are constantly checking to see if we are on track making it over the milestones we have set for ourselves. When we are headed on our journey smoothly we want everybody to know. But in those moments where life isn’t quite working out and we are standing at a checkpoint with no milestone in sight we feel defeated. It becomes easy to feel like we are failing at life because we have put pressure on ourselves to create these imaginary timelines of when and how life should be lived. All so other people can think, “Damn they got their shit together!

I have no shame in admitting that I set checkpoints for myself and 25 was on the list. With so many of my peers sharing their bomb ass lives and milestones like getting married, buying houses and taking extensive trips out the country I look at my life as a 25 year old mama and try to figure out what I have to show for being on this Earth for quarter of a century.

If you are an Unapologetic Warrior and you aren’t where you want to be in your life remind yourself that it isn’t too late. It doesn’t matter if you are 25, 38, 76 or 85. What I have been trying to get myself to understand is that milestones and checkpoints don’t determine my worth. It would be awesome to have all the things I wanted by 25. But, the reality is that things don’t always happen in the ways you want them to.

It’s up to me to continue to work towards those milestones without the limitations and constraints of checkpoints. Don’t get me wrong, when you have a goal in mind it’s a good idea to be able to measure when it can be tackled but also understand that because the program is always subject to change there has to be room for adjustments.

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Unapologetically Me,

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  • Jazmine Moore

    Thankyou so much for your beautifully written words of wisdom and for allowing me to apart of your journey!!! This blog is giving me life!!! You have to know what an an amazing mom, teacher, writer, and community leader you are. This post was a huge reminder to be grateful and confident. Two concepts I seriously struggle with.. Just as easy as it is to focus on what hasn’t gone according to plan, I need to remember to be thankful for the millions of things that have. Half the time our blessing come directly out of the situations that were the most unexpected and often seemed like the darkest. Checkpoints and milestones do not define my worth. Got it. I’ll keep working on it lol.

    • Jess B. Fancy

      I am glad the universe brought us together. You are the definition of a rider and I appreciate you. I have gotten to watch you grow and there is no doubt in my mind that you are amazing as well. Thank you for everything you do for me and Mae ❤️

    • Princess Hines

      You are looking good girl and well on your way to conquering those attributes of gratefulness and confidence…

  • Princess Hines

    Thanks for the reminder that our worth is not determined by meeting checkpoints and milestones we set for ourselves. As I am approaching 40 in the next 4 months, I am constantly battling thoughts of depression from disappointments I have with my life, disappointments only because I haven’t met certain checkpoints and milestones. I pray in November when I wake up (no twerking my birthday in), I will be as enlightened as you were.

    • Jess B. Fancy

      Girl you doing the damn thing! Thank you for reading and sharing my words. I’m glad they brought some light to your life 😘